THOUGHTS OF THE DAY
{thanks, Flipper!}
13. Never take life seriously. Nobody gets out alive anyway...
12. Life is sexually transmitted...
11. Health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die...
10. Men have two emotions: Hungry and Horny. If you see him without an erection, make him a sandwich...
9. Give a person a fish and you feed them for a day; teach a person to use the Internet and they won't bother you for weeks...
8. Some people are like Slinkies . . . not really good for anything, but you still can't help but smile when you see one tumble down the stairs...
7. Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals dying of nothing...
6. Whenever I feel blue, I start breathing again...
5. All of us could take a lesson from the weather. It pays no attention to criticism...
4. Why does a slight tax increase cost you two hundred dollars and a substantial tax cut saves you thirty cents???
3. In the 60's people took acid to make the world weird. Now the world is weird and people take Prozac to make it normal...
2.Politics is supposed to be the second oldest profession. I have come to realize that it bears a very close resemblance to the first...
AND THE #1 THOUGHT FOR THE DAY: You read about all these Terrorists most of them came here legally, but they hung around on these expired visas, some for as long as 10-15 years. Now, compare that to Blockbuster; you are two days late with a video and those people are all over you. I think we should put Blockbuster in charge of Immigration & Homeland Security...
~from the email bag
Wednesday, February 18
Sunday, February 15
ALERT!Subject: New Arkansas quarter
WASHINGTON, D.C. - Hang on to any of the new State of Arkansas quarters. If you have them, they may be worth much more than 25 cents. The U.S. Treasury announced today that it is recalling all of the Arkansas quarters that are part of its program featuring quarters from each state.
We are recalling all the new Arkansas quarters that were recently
issued," Treasury Undersecretary Jack Shackleford said Monday. "This action is being taken after numerous reports that new quarters will not work in parking meters, toll booths, vending machines, pay phones, or other coin-operated devices".
The quarters were issued in the order in which the various states joined the U.S. and have been a tremendous success among coin collectors worldwide.
"The problem lies in the unique design of the Arkansas quarter, which was created by a University of Arkansas graduate," Shackleford said. "Apparently, the duct tape holding the two dimes and the nickel together keeps jamming the coin-operated devices."
~from the email bag
WASHINGTON, D.C. - Hang on to any of the new State of Arkansas quarters. If you have them, they may be worth much more than 25 cents. The U.S. Treasury announced today that it is recalling all of the Arkansas quarters that are part of its program featuring quarters from each state.
We are recalling all the new Arkansas quarters that were recently
issued," Treasury Undersecretary Jack Shackleford said Monday. "This action is being taken after numerous reports that new quarters will not work in parking meters, toll booths, vending machines, pay phones, or other coin-operated devices".
The quarters were issued in the order in which the various states joined the U.S. and have been a tremendous success among coin collectors worldwide.
"The problem lies in the unique design of the Arkansas quarter, which was created by a University of Arkansas graduate," Shackleford said. "Apparently, the duct tape holding the two dimes and the nickel together keeps jamming the coin-operated devices."
~from the email bag
Thursday, February 12
How to be a liberal - a guide for the rest of us...
Virtually anyone can become a liberal. Simply quit thinking and vote that way. Here are the prerequisites:
1. You must believe the AIDS virus is spread by a lack of federal funding.
2. You must believe the same teacher who cannot teach 4th graders to read is somehow qualified to teach them about sex.
3. You must believe that guns in the hands of law-abiding Americans are more of a threat than nuclear weapons in the hands of Chinese Communists.
4. You must believe there was no art before Federal funding.
5. You must believe global temperatures are less affected by cyclical, documented changes in the earth's climate, and more affected by SUVs.
6. You must believe gender roles are artificial, but homosexuality is natural.
7. You must be against capital punishment, but in favor of abortion on demand.
8. You must believe business creates oppression and the government creates prosperity.
9. You must believe self-esteem is more important than actually doing something to earn it.
10. You must believe the military, not politicians, start wars where military personnel, not politicians, die.
11. You must believe the NRA is bad because it supports certain parts of the Constitution, while the ACLU is good because it supports certain parts of the Constitution.
12. You must believe taxes are too low, but ATM fees are too high.
13. You must believe standardized tests are racist, but racial quotas and set-asides aren't.
14. You must believe Hillary Clinton is a lady.
15. You must believe the only reason socialism hasn't worked anywhere it's been tried is because the right people haven't been in charge.
16. You must believe homosexual parades are Constitutionally protected, but manger displays at Christmas are illegal.
~ from the email bag (Thanks Harold!)
Virtually anyone can become a liberal. Simply quit thinking and vote that way. Here are the prerequisites:
1. You must believe the AIDS virus is spread by a lack of federal funding.
2. You must believe the same teacher who cannot teach 4th graders to read is somehow qualified to teach them about sex.
3. You must believe that guns in the hands of law-abiding Americans are more of a threat than nuclear weapons in the hands of Chinese Communists.
4. You must believe there was no art before Federal funding.
5. You must believe global temperatures are less affected by cyclical, documented changes in the earth's climate, and more affected by SUVs.
6. You must believe gender roles are artificial, but homosexuality is natural.
7. You must be against capital punishment, but in favor of abortion on demand.
8. You must believe business creates oppression and the government creates prosperity.
9. You must believe self-esteem is more important than actually doing something to earn it.
10. You must believe the military, not politicians, start wars where military personnel, not politicians, die.
11. You must believe the NRA is bad because it supports certain parts of the Constitution, while the ACLU is good because it supports certain parts of the Constitution.
12. You must believe taxes are too low, but ATM fees are too high.
13. You must believe standardized tests are racist, but racial quotas and set-asides aren't.
14. You must believe Hillary Clinton is a lady.
15. You must believe the only reason socialism hasn't worked anywhere it's been tried is because the right people haven't been in charge.
16. You must believe homosexual parades are Constitutionally protected, but manger displays at Christmas are illegal.
~ from the email bag (Thanks Harold!)
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